How "LESBIAN" are you? Gold, Silver, Bronze??

In the spectrum of the Lesbian World, how Lesbian are you?

This question is brought up a lot in the Lesbian world to rate whether or not you are really and truly a lesbian or just passing time in the homo world. Apparently I'm what you call a Silver Star Lesbian...one that started out with Men for several years, until I was ready to come out. I made this transition at the end of my 21's...I had my first woman experience, thought my life was fulfilled and perfect and complete and then BAM!!! she hurt me, she played me and she made me fall for her all in the short 2 months that I dated her...Typical of the Lesbian world, but for me...as a newbie, I was totally not used to that roller coaster speed and when I got hurt, it made me reevaluate if I was really really ready to take on this lifestyle. When I was with guys for years, I never felt connected nor as strong to them as I did in those 2 months with the girl I dated...and not being as connected gives you logic and control of your feelings. With guys I was in control of my feelings and reactions. My relationships did not define me, they did not control me...I was extremely independent. So with this first girl (Lesbian) experience, it got me scared, SUPER scared that with all this new satisfaction and fulfillment that I'd lose TOTAL control of my feelings and scared that I'd fall in the deepest type of love that I'd ever experience before. TOO MUCH LOVE EQUALS TOO MUCH PAIN...I knew that if I enveloped my life as a lesbian that 2 things were certain. 1. I'd fall in the deepest love I'd ever fallen in before and 2. When the relationship ended, I'd hurt more than I'd ever hurt before. What a cause and effect to look forward to. After this first Lesbian relationship ended in chaos as most do, I tried my very best to date a guy again and tried my very best to convince myself that I'd like it. I tried to make this relationship into the same ebb & flow of the girl relationship I just had. I took him to dinner, I bought him endless gifts and clothes...I spoiled this idiot and he milked me for everything I had. But, even though I couldn't connect with him...I was in control of my feelings...all of my feelings. After about a month and realizing he was not a girl and never would be...haha...I ended it and since then have never looked back at guys again. Hence, I got the Silver Star Lesbian Card.

And now fast forward, 8 years later, and my fiance, Lucky Girl is a Gold Star Lesbian and can high five herself for being more of a lesbian than me. My Silver Star Lesbian status has her question my credibility...has her question whether I'm gonna go back...and probably gives her trust issues with my guy friends. I actually would give anything to have known who I was pre-puberty, so that I could have experienced all the ups and downs of a lesbian relationship before I was an adult. Starting out as a Lesbian in my 20s made me feel like I went thru dumb 'ole awkward puberty all over again. Now, I can kinda see why Gay Men who come out later in life if their 40s or more start acting immature and start chasing after 18 barely legal guys. I keep thinking it's cuz they are gay and a little perverted going after young boys. BUT, now I'm thinking it's really cuz mentally, their gay side hasn't had 20+ years to mature, as the rest of their body has.

Well, anyways, Silver Star Lesbian...Gold Star Lesbian...why do we have a hypocritical view for Lesbians that have been with men in the past, like...."ew, you're gonna go back..you're not really a lesbian"...but yet, we don't taunt the old man that decided to come out gay after being married to a woman for 25 years. We don't say to him "ew, I don't believe you're really gay...you're gonna go back to women, I just know it." Isn't he a Silver Star Gay guy too? If he has earned his stripes into Gay-Dom...then I have too Damnit!!!

PROP 8, THE IRONY OF IT ALL

I can't even tell you how much stress Prop 8 has caused me in the last couple of weeks. The highs and lows of it all has made me feel like I'm on some bi-polar roller coaster ride. No other time in my life have I gone back and forth from being super-proud of being gay to wishing I was straight. And I'm sure I'm not the only gay person in our community going through this...and I'm also sure that no straight person would quite understand.

THE WEEKS BEFORE
The weeks leading to the election, each time I went outside, there were people showing their support for either YES or NO. Those that had their YES stickers on their cars and in front of their lawns would rile me up so much, that I literally could not contain these feelings that boiled inside of me. Feelings, I'd never felt before, like a helplessness mixed with "if I could just sit with this person for 1 minute, I could change their mind...give me 1 minute". If a Yes sticker would drive by, I'd try so hard to get next to them to see who this body of hate was, trying to get their attention to question why they believed so much in a Yes vote...as if I could possibly have my 1 minute driving 65mph on the freeway. Then, everywhere I went to escape this feeling of anger and helplessness, like hiking or shopping, there it was...PROP 8 hate everywhere. The Oakland Mormon church, go figure happened to be on the same street as my beautiful hike and all along the center divide leading to the hike, were Yes on 8 signs with little silhouettes of Families holding hands, as if to say "Do it for your Family". Then, on my way to Costco, a drive that normally takes me 10 min, had me stuck in over an hour long traffic...moving like snails, I'm thinking oh it must be a stalled car, or hopefully not a fatal accident...nope, it was this bike overpass that had a 15-20 foot wide sign that said YES on 8, MARRIAGE=1 MAN + 1 WOMAN and people surrounding it. 1 guy stood in front of them with his NO ON 8 little 8x11 inch sign and was waving at every1. It brought tears to my eyes, that he had so much courage standing with his little sign in front of all those people with the YES 15 foot sign and people surrounding it. But it also made me mad, that here in the BAY, of all places, where people are smart, cultured and liberal...the place I sought refuge, as I'm sure many other gay people did to live as far away from uneducated bigots as possible, that PROP 8 hate even existed here.

THE WEEK OF AND AFTER
On Election Day I was hopeful, but then I must admit I became cynical after seeing all the YES stickers and signs in the Gay Mecca. I knew it was gonna be close, but I had a bad feeling about the outcome...and I must have refreshed the Result Page on CNN every 2 min. to see how the race was fairing. The bad feeling came true, and in the morning, the results stayed YES ahead 52-48%. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach, and hated the world. I felt especially bad for anyone that got married, that were probably feeling confused as to whether or not their marriage was valid anymore. Then, I needed someone to blame and quickly found the exit poll results... Here I was thinkin that the exit polls would show something that made sense to me and the exit polls showed me something I never would have expected. All races voted pretty equally Yes and No...all but one. 75% of black people voted Yes on Prop 8. Truth be told the exit polls made me blame black people. It made me wonder how in the world could they turn their back on a minority with all they have been through. How? It disgusted me. It made me want to take back anytime I stuck up for all the stereotypes....anytime I felt empathy...It made me want to scream at every black person I saw, because chances were 3 of 4 I could have approached voted Yes. I mean here we are thinking white people are the gate keepers to true acceptance and elitist and we predict they are the most discriminatory group, but, we were proven wrong with Prop 8. Whites voted evenly both ways, making them more fair than Blacks. That left me speechless and now on the defense to every black person I came across. What the hell, Prop 8 has made me walk around carrying all this hate.

Now I'm not about to verbally attack a black I don't know...that would be like someone attacking a gay they don't know and really that is what this whole damn thing is about. These people voting YES, don't know me or my life and shouldn't be judging me. But I did have to do something with all the built up anxiety and anger and hopelessness. So I marched. I marched in SF from the Civic Center to Dolores Park. I marched with 10k other people, totally unprepared for the rally, holding outdated signs that said "Vote NO on Prop 8", but I didn't care if they were outdated...I had to make a stance and I needed to feel like I wasn't the only one torn up by this. Our march in SF may or may not have sent a message. To most people it was probably annoying, to be stopped in traffic during Friday rush hour for 2 hours, wrecking or halting whatever Friday dinner plans they had. But we have to start somewhere and if we have enough of these marches and stand together, I have the hope that we will gradually get there. There are marches and rallies all over the U.S. and I'm hoping that enough people take being gay seriously enough to know that we can band together and do this. This is not to have the right to party, or to be able to kiss in public...this is for equality...and for many of us, getting this equality will allow us to finally let go of this hate that has been dropped off to us.

Please join the impact and march this Saturday in front of your local City Hall...we are not going to be silent anymore:

http://www.jointheimpact.com/

THE YEAR OF THE STRIPPER...Rappers pick a new theme for '09 PLEAAAASSSE

I can't tell you how tired I am from hearing the same topic over and over again from every rapper/hip-hop artist out there this year. Especially from T-Pain. Brotha, I think you are a great performer live (Saw you last year and you had the whole stadium going DUMB), but you started an annoying trend. It all seemed to start with your "I'm in Love with a Stripper" Song in '05...and here we are in '08 and none of the rappers can shake this topic.

Let's review:

• 1. "CAN'T BELIEVE IT" - T-Pain/Lil' Wayne

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT_fnAjZNDY

This song's stripper shout-out - "cus u look so good, tell me y u wanna work here, put u on the front page of a king magazine, but u gone get ur self hurt here. ay, baby i brought u in the back just to have a conversation, i really think u need some ventilation. lets talk about uuuuuu and meeeeeee. (hook)ooww i cant believe it, ooh, ooh, she all on me (on me) man man i thank she want me (want me) naw i cant leave her lonely nawwwww. oooww i cant believe it, oow, oow, she all on me (on me) man man i thank she want me (want me) naw i cant leave her lonely nawwwww. u dont understand she make the people say yeahhhh, yeahhhhh, yeahhhh, she hit the main stage she make the people say, yeahhh, yeahhh, yeahhhh"

• 2. "DANGEROUS" - Kardinal Offishal/Akon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFeaqB-AAMo

This song's stripper shout-out - "that girl is so dangerous. that girl is so dangerous. that girl is a bad girl. i seen her type before. she's so dangerous that girl is so dangerous. that girl is a bad girl [yeah][Kardinal Offishall]ohhhh yeah thats her, thebig dog tryna get her lil kitty to purrex man lookin at me like im Lucifer cause he knows i will deal wit the case yes sir!if i was the last man on earth i would only take that girl end of search. she give a new definition to the word curve got chicks in the strip club envyin hers body's like weapons of mass eruptions sit the glass on that fat obstruction tongue game give a new type seduction im tryna give that girl somethin!"

• 3. "GOT MONEY" - T-Pain/Lil' Wayne

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKtZF-Mxv2I

This song's stripper shout-out - "Got money (yeah)And you know it. Take it out your pocket and show it (then)Throw it (fly)This a way (fly)Thata way (fly)This a way (fly)Thata way Gettin' mugged. From everybody who see that. Hang over the wall of the VIP Like...[Verse 3: Lil Wayne]Okay,It's Young Wayne on them hoes. A.K.A. Mr. Make It Rain On Them Hoes. Like ehhhh! Everybody say Mr. Rain manCan we have a rainy day?Bring a umbrella. Please bring a umbrella Ella, Ella, Ella ehhh! Bitch ain't shit but a hoe in a trick. Bet you no one ain't trick if you got it. You know we ain't f**king if you not thick"

Rappers, please stop dedicating all your songs to Strippers...Please stop reminding me what every pretty girl and pretty girl wanna-be resorts to when they can't use their brain to make money and instead give brain to make money. And, do you realize you sound pathetic talking about f**king the easiest girls out there? I mean how many dollar bills does it take to take a stripper home? I'm sure it's like a dollar more than a lap dance.

I'm not completely doggin' on strippers tho...me AND my fiance both have made the mistake of dating strippers in our past. The stripper I dated...had a stage name of China...I saw China perform at her club and make this certain sex face mixed with a wink to all the guys. Then one night, when she was kissing me, she made that very same sex face/wink to me...it made me feel like I needed to pull out my dollar bills...hence I took my money bags elsewhere and made it rain with my vibrator instead. :D

My fiance's ex-stripper was apparently a non-typical stripper and a full-on Lesbian even though she dry humped for a living....Dreamer was her stage name and my fiance sticks up for Dreamer like crazy and even claims that her ex did not give lap dances in the back, but instead just had clients! HAHAHAA! Dreamer had my fiance dreamin' and believing that she made all her money $1 dollar at a time on stage and that she magically made clients without snail trailin'/dry humpin' on their penises in the back.

Anywayzzzz, point is...enough with the Stripper Anthems. We need a new topic that glorifies successful women, the real sexy women...the educated, business woman...the makes her own money kind of woman. The don't rely on a man kind of woman. Let's follow Ne-Yo with his latest tribute to a woman:

"MISS INDEPENDENT" - Ne-Yo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wtm8v6MryBk

This song's NON-stripper and actually the exact opposite of a stripper shout-out - "There's something about a kinda woman that can do It for herself. I look at her and it makes me proud There's something About her. There something Ooh So sexy about the kinda woman. That don't even need my help"

I LOVE WOMEN...but not this woman (Sarah Palin)

So, I can't stop laughing at the SNL skit on Sarah Palin this past week of her during her interview with Katie Couric...actually it's so identical with the actual interview, that watching them side by side, I almost can't tell the two apart. It cracks me up every time I watch it and I have a hard time watching it and think that people actually take her seriously and think she is qualified. Is it that we don't hold her to the same standards as a guy? I mean I'm all about feminism, but the point of feminism is equality for women. Get a female candidate that is qualified.

The things she says and the way she fills in the blanks of what she doesn't know or understand with stupid commentary reminds me so much of hearing the debates of Candidates in Student Counsel during High School. They go in circles and make up answers along the way...

See for yourself, side by side here, they are so identical...it just cracks me up every time:

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2008/09/30/sbt.palin.spoof.cnn

Also, to find out more about Palin's foreign policy with Russia, please check this article and video out:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/01/cnn-sarah-palin-has-never_n_130752.html

COMING OUT...what is the big deal?!

Ok, so I keep seeing this big headlines of Celebrities that come out...and it's not ever from celebrities that have hid it well. It's from Celebrities that are so obviously gay, but spend much of their career denying it and avoiding officially COMING OUT. What is the big deal already, all gays know your gay, stop wasting so much energy denying it and making it a bigger deal than it is...and just come out with it already! I mean I don't care if you choose not to come out, but denying it to then later come out is DUMB! It's one thing to have family members who will disown you and avoiding it to protect your family, but if your family supports you and has known your whole life, why do you care what the public thinks?

From Clay Aiken to Lindsay Lohan to those we are still waiting on to just come out already...why do you make it such a big deal to come out? You make Gay People feel as though your ashamed and you make the public start putting a bad connotation on being gay. And the silly part is, is that it seems like you may avoid coming out because you think you will lose your fans...Do you not get how much support you will get from the Gay Community. Screw all those fans that won't support you if you are gay, there are tons of new Gay Fans that you WILL attract that will stick with you thru and thru and be way more faithful than any fickle trendsetter.

Alicia Keys, Queen Latifah, Kevin Spacey, Ryan Seacrest...you guys keep avoiding the questions, you keep thinking that we believe you have been single for 10 years and that you want to keep your private life private...You are making your sexuality a bigger deal by hiding it. And you are keeping America in the dark about how beautiful and successful Gay people are. I mean ok, so people in San Fran are open minded and people in NYC are open minded and most big cities, but unfortunately, as you can tell by how Bush gets elected over and over, this country is not run by the liberal open-minded people. As much as I hate to admit it, it is run by Middle America...and guess what...this Lesbian knowsssssss Middle America, cuz I grew up there. But as soon as I grew a brain I left and never went back...which is what most Gay People from Middle America do, which is why Middle America's views NEVER change on Gay People. Because all the Gay people leave. Celebrities need to give Middle America a good Gay Role Model to relate to. I mean since all Gay people leave, they have nothing to relate to and think that all Gay People are perverse and pedophiles and butchy if they are a lesbian and femmy if they are a gay guy. Show them that we are here...we are everywhere and that we are amazing!